Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
