found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Congratulations! We have a period
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