I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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