Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
