don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
