If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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