Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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