who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
