dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize