im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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