I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
