we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
