I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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