Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
