I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize