you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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