you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
