Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
