i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
