Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
