so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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