i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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