I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
