i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
