I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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