I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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