i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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