If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
