I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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