oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
