I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
