Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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