Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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