cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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