I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
