next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
