remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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