if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
