What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
