Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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