Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
