im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
