Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
