so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
