guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
