I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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