I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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