are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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