Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
