dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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