I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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