I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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