dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
