You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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