i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
