No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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