Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
