wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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