Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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