At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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