I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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