it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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